"Sometimes I wonder if it's better if instead I protect you. I kept hearing it but I keep ignoring it because I was scared that I might lose you..." ~A Friend's Confession, 2AM
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The only thing Hikari could do at the moment was to bury his face on his hands as he continued berating himself. How could he have failed at such an important mission?
"Hikari-kun."
That call from Mio did indeed snap him out of his musings, but not enough to dispel his worries.
"How is she?" Hikari could only ask due to the lack of other things to say.
"Don't worry about her. The doctor said that Kagura will wake up soon," Mio answered with a reassuring smile.
But it seemed that those words had only made him feel guilty for more reasons than he could ever think of. He kept on telling that it was his fault that Kagura ended up getting hurt like that.
But then he remembered that Kagura was a person who would rarely blame him for the mistakes that he obviously made. She would always point it to herself. Sometimes, he couldn't help thinking that Kagura was an idiot in some ways. Or maybe gullible.
Over the years since their adventures as ToQgers, he noticed that Kagura hadn't changed so much. Perhaps... that was one reason why he was able to see other things with regards to himself in a different light.
Other things that only made him quite fearful of the possibilities that could occur once he fully acknowledged it and would allow him to make a drastic move.
"None of this is your fault, Hikari. I'm sure Kagura would say the same thing to you," Mio said that broke the silence between them once again.
"I know that. But I was there with her, Mio. And yet I..."
"You protected something that's important to you and that's what really matters."
For some reason, he really didn't like the way those words had implied. But instead of blurting it out or lashing it out to Mio, he remained silent. He only clenched his fists tight that it could be seen how his knuckles turned white with that gesture.
It took a few more minutes before Hikari and the others were given permission by the doctor to finally visit Kagura to the room assigned to the patient. And yet Mio suddenly said that Hikari should go first. Right and Tokacchi (almost) immediately understood what Mio was trying to imply with that and so they let Hikari visit Kagura first.
His mind was still in a haze, but Hikari only obliged as he had nothing better to do at the moment other than to berate himself again for being a failure to protect his closest childhood friend.
As soon as he entered the room and had a glimpse of Kagura's unconscious state, Hikari could only clench his fist once again. He still did so even after knowing that it won't help Kagura at all. He couldn't stop asking himself why he hesitated to do something to stop Kagura from getting hurt that much because of that attack.
"I can't even protect you..." Hikari murmured in agony. And to think he even made a vow to himself a long time ago about protecting Kagura at all cost, in any situation.
But then...
"I'm sorry... I'm really sorry, Kagura."
All Hikari could do the whole time was to apologize to the sleeping young woman, not knowing that doing so would eventually be a way for things to start all over again to both him and Kagura. But for now, he chose to remain by her side.
Perhaps it would help her... Of course, he knew it would help. But then, Hikari wasn't sure how it would all happen.
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