"Your memories are haunting me. So why don't you just make this searing pain in my heart fade away?" ~From the Filipino song "Gisingin Ang Puso (Awaken My Heart)" by Liezel Garcia
x x x x x x
The library is the only place where Saki feels she's safe. It is weird. But it seems that standing there, roaming inside, reading some books will actually help her remember something important. She lifts her left hand and looks at her wrist. The scar from that time has already disappeared. But the reason why she got that scar in the first place doesn't even want to leave her mind.
"Sosuke..." Saki utters that name for who knows how many times that day. Of course, she will utter it. It's the name of her lover.
But that's a long time ago. It's been three years after the battle that took Sosuke's life. It's been that long since he used the last of his strength to erase her memories so that she will live without those painful burden in her mind. And yet, it seems that it's the exact case why she's still remembering everything. Sosuke's strength wasn't enough to do that. So now he left her as she lives in those memories.
Or maybe he did succeed. At least on one thing.
Saki can't remember Sosuke's face at all. She knows the name, his past, his family, everything about him. Both of them were some of the strongest warriors given the ability to fight and defend the world from various threats. In fact, Sosuke was Saki's childhood friend, and later on, her lover. So she really knows about him.
But the battle they participated a long time ago took him from her. Now she's here, wondering over the thought whether she's still meant to live now that Sosuke's gone.
"You should've killed me instead..." Soon after, Saki's tears that she's trying to prevent from falling streak down her face one by one. Until it all becomes unstoppable. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."
Those words... Even though she say them many times, especially in her dreams where she'd see him faceless, it's all useless. It will never bring him back. Even if those dreams somehow ease her longing to see him and feel him, it only escalates the pain and regret that she's feeling since he left.
It goes on like that for a few more minutes. Saki is able to muffle her pained cries with the help of her powers. Circling her at the moment is her wind powers, one that's enough to conceal her location. It's not that much since she doesn't want to give away her identity.
She's finally able to stop her tears from falling. She's able to remove the wind barrier she cast around her after looking around to make sure no one sees that. But her sight soon lands on a certain book that's all too familiar to her. She walks briskly towards the shelf where she sees it and immediately takes the book.
Memories That Separated Us.
From what Saki can remember, this was the title of the novel that Sosuke wrote before he participated in the battle. With a quickly beating heart that she's trying to ignore, she opens the book and begins to read it. Come to think of it, she never gets to read the original manuscript of that novel. But tears blur her sight once more because of the words written on the first page.
Her name is on it---in Sosuke's handwriting!
But why?
Saki, I'm sorry. This final work is something I was supposed to give to you as a wedding gift. I was really determined to marry you, you know. But the battle only made it even harder not just for the two of us but also for the rest of our kind. When you read this, you'll probably never know that it was meant for you. After all, I decided to erase every memory we created together from your mind. I can't let you live in pain because of me. I'm sorry if I did something like that to you. But I'll never let you remember me.
Live a life without me. Start over without me.
"I can't do that! I can't do what you want me to do!" Saki can only say in anguish.
Why does he have to decide something like this? Why does he have to do this alone? Don't they love each other? They were supposed to stay together through thick and thin. That's what they've promised when they confessed their feelings to each other.
This is unfair! He's so unfair!
"Are you okay, Miss?"
That voice makes her immediately stop crying. She slowly lifts her head, only to be greeted by the sight of a handsome young man looking at her with worries. He looks like he's truly concerned about her. She hastily wipes her tears with her free hand and forces a smile.
"I-I'm okay. I'm sorry. Did I disturb you?"
But no words come out of the man's mouth. He just looks at her intently, as if memorizing every inch of her face. At that moment, her heart starts thumping in a familiar beat. She felt something like this before. She knows that. But where? When? Did Sosuke erase that memory?
Sosuke... And it hit her! It's from Sosuke. She felt the same thing at the time she realized she was in love with Sosuke.
To her surprise, the man hands her a handkerchief. She eyes it for a few moments before fixating her gaze to the man who hands it to her.
"It may not be enough to calm you down. But I don't think my conscience will bear it if I leave you alone and still crying." The man takes her one hand and places the handkerchief there. "Do your best to stop crying. Your face looks even more beautiful when you're not crying like this."
With that, he leaves her there unable to say anything. More especially, thank him. She can't help it. It's all too sudden for her. And the thumping of her heart... The familiar feeling it gives to her...
Saki decides to put the book back where she got it. She'll have time to read it later or even in the next coming days. Right now, she needs to know everything about the guy who said those words. She needs to know his name, most of all.
But the outside of the library become a desolated place as soon as she steps out. No one's around. When she checks her wristwatch, it's nearly 6 in the evening. Aside from that, she remembers that there's a free concert and a fireworks display in the nearby park. They must have already decided to go there before the crowd completely gathers.
Though Saki knows that it will be easier this way to look for that mysterious guy with this kind of clear view, she has no idea where to look first. She can't use her wind powers to track him. She can't even remember any detail unique to that guy that should be helpful in tracking.
She helplessly looks around the area once more. It's completely desolated.
"Why am I searching for you like this? Who are you, really?"
Not far from that place, the handsome guy that gave Saki the handkerchief can only watch the woman he was trying to help a while back from a distance. He can only smile sadly at the sight of her apparently searching for something.
He doesn't know what came over to him that time to finally decide to approach her and hopefully try his best to calm her down. Though her cries can't be heard because of the wind she surrounded to herself, he knew that she was in pain.
Her face is familiar. He's sure that he knows her. Loves her, even. But the real reason why he can't fully reveal himself to her all this time he's watching her from afar is because of one crucial fact.
He can't remember her name at all.
For three years since the battle that should've taken his life if it wasn't for his own spell backfiring at him following the wind flowing in his body, he's doing his utmost best to search for answers.
Who is she? Why can't he remember her own lover's name? How come the feelings he has for her remain all this time, bearing it with devotion and pride as time goes by? And yet the fact that he can't remember a simple name becomes the wall that truly separate them.
"Sosuke! What are you doing? We're going to be late for the concert."
That voice brings him back to his senses. He watches the woman one last time and cast her a longing and melancholic gaze before turning his back and follows his friend.
His last words that night was supposed to make her forget everything about him. But that's not what happened. So now she's still here, unable to wash away every memory of him from her mind. She knows that waiting like this is futile. But at least she wants to give herself a chance to know. She wants to find out what lies ahead of her as she still searches for a future merely living in those memories that he was supposed to erase.
They are fated to love each other even after the battle. But the spell that's suppose to erase the memories they shared together works in a way that only causes them to suffer.
She's unable to remember his face.
He can't recall her name.
No matter how hard they try to remember, something always seems to block their minds from doing so. It's a truly frustrating situation for them. How long will this kind of suffering last? They don't have any idea at all. But the hope in their hearts remain. One day, if fate will truly allow it, their powers and perhaps even their destiny will bring them back together again.
x x x x x x
...and another sad fic---for the third time. Seriously, what's going on with me these days? Why do I keep posting these kind of fics? But then, it's been a long while since I last watched Go-onger so it was a bit hard for me to write this one, even though it's an AU story. For machandsmile who requested this, I hope it's to your liking.
And to those who would read this, I hope you enjoyed it---even though I gave you another sad feels because of this one.
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