It'd be good if these feelings found their way into your heart without me needing to speak a word... ~ Sore Ga Ai Deshou (That Would Be Love), Shimokawa Mikumi
xxxxxx
5/3
Three days passed since the month started. It's supposed to be a happy month. Yet it only made me fidgety over the days. Still trying my best not to make them worry. By the way, I loved the bridesmaid gown that Miyo gave me. It made me feel like a princess while wearing it. I couldn't help imagining that I'm dancing with "him" while wearing this dress, though. Was it bad for me to imagine it that way? I'm still believing I'd be saved from all this. Not the wedding, but the fear that's crushing me.
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May 7
Dear Sunrise,
It's been a while since I wrote to you. Things had gotten a little busy here. Of course, there's also that one thing that's been wrecking my mind for... about two months now. I don't know if it's the right thing for me to do that I complain to you about this. But knowing the fact that I don't usually tell everything about my worries to my family, I know I'd rather do this. Writing has always been a good way for me to vent out my frustrations and other negative emotions lingering inside. Though if I'm honest, it doesn't seem to be enough these days, especially since learning about the stalker.
Even though I know you would not be able to read this, I'm here, still doing this. Maybe because I know that one day, you would. At least, I believe that the universe or whatever mysterious force out there is conspiring to make it happen. I've always asked the heavens to see you again. You might now remember me as the girl you once befriended or you might, yet you chose to stay away from me for some reason. Whatever the case, I'd love it if I did get to see you again. I'll keep praying for that to happen.
You can make that happen, right?
Still waiting,
Miori
===
5/10
Please save me... I guess I look desperate to be pleading this way. Many days passed. It still scares me. The night scares me. The darkness scares me. I kept on receiving notes and emails from that stalker. I tried to ignore it, but it seems like he was lingering. It's frustrating! Still did my best to help with the bakery. But mom kept staring at me. Dad only smiled, saying that it was going to be okay. I believe that. I believe him. I just have to do just that, right? Nothing bad will happen to me. "He" will save me. Or will he?
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5/14
More preparations are done for Miyo and Yuuya-kun's wedding. Glad I could help her with something, even if it was just about the flowers and their set-up in the venue. Did I mention how much I love them? Aside from writing, flowers would give me another reason to stay calm. Come to think of it, I haven't been paying attention to the ones I planted on the rooftop. Should start taking care of them tomorrow. Love the cake design that Miyo showed me earlier. Weddings like this should make me feel ecstatic. But how come I couldn't do so completely?
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5/17
How to overcome fear in a week? Okay, asking for the impossible here. Sorry. A little quiet the whole week. Surely happy with it. But hoping it's not the calm before the storm. I never liked that, at all. Recalling the incident I experience when I was in high school. A long time had passed. But even if it's a bad memory, something good came out of it. If only in the present, he also felt the same. I don't want to be the only one remembering them. I miss the feeling of recalling a memory with someone significant to me. If only he knew that...
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5/23
This is it! It's getting nearer and nearer. Not the one getting married, but couldn't help feeling excited for Miyo and Yuuya-kun. I know they can't want to spend the rest of their lives together. No signs of any danger... At least not yet. But let me believe that nothing will happen, okay? The plants and flowers on the rooftop are starting to get better. Loved how my mom praised them and teased me for neglecting them for a bit. Then again, I guess that's how I've been to myself, as well. This fear made me neglect myself, and I didn't even know it.
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May 26
Dear Sunrise,
It's almost the day of the wedding. I'm sure, it's going to be a happy day for my family since Miyo and Yuuya-kun had been through a lot to reach this point in their lives. I'm proud to admit that I've been the main witness to how their love story actually went. And yet here I am... Not wanting to become a part of their main event. Only because I know the stalker lurks around. It's frightening me almost every day and I think I'm losing my mind because of it. All the worries, fears, anxiety... I can't fathom how I'm able to deal with them all as days go by.
Or maybe I do know. Writing this to you is one of them. Week after week that would pass by, I anticipated the fact that I'm able to write to you like this. In each of the letters I would write to you, I know they're filled with wishes that I kept asking the heavens above to fulfill. I lost you a long time ago before I realized it. Once I get to see you again, I'm not sure what I would do. One thing is sure, if chance would allow it, I'm never you go without telling you how I feel.
Let fate find a way for us to meet. Would that be possible?
Still waiting,
Miori
xxxxxx
WRITER'S NOTE: This is the first time I'm going to write a story like this. I'm not sure how will it turn out, but I'm keeping this up since it's simple. At least, that's what I think. By the way, the Y1 at the chapter title is actually "Year 1". And since I mentioned in the prologue that the five-year journal was filled up and completed, I'm focusing on writing selected entries and letters from those five years before I get back to writing using character's perception. The main focus of the story here was Miori's thoughts.
And the pattern of the chapters would be like this:
- each chapter would encompass a month' worth of selected entries and letters.
- five entries would be displayed for each month
- 2 letters would be shown for each month
Not sure about the word count that each chapter would reach if I follow this pattern. But we'll see what happens.
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