I’m still and I’m here, let me take you in like this… — Here I Am Again, Baek Ye Rin
xxxxxx
One thing led to another and the next time Amy finally realized what had just happened, both Narnians and Telmarines were in harmony. That day, the Narnians were celebrating the victory of the war. Not long after, Caspian was crowned as the king.
All the way, Amy decided to just watch everything unfold in front of her as she continued to remain in the background. Then again, not many people liked what she was doing. And to think she had contributed to a lot of things that led to the victory of the Narnians. Especially in terms of medical assistance.
At least, Caspian had told her that when the celebration finally died down.
“You don’t have to worry about me at this point, Your Majesty,” she said as soon as her mind finally registered the words he said to her.
“Then why didn’t you join the celebration earlier?”
Amy couldn’t help sighing before looking around, only to see what remained of the big celebration that had happened a while back. At the sight, she smiled sadly.
“I don’t know…” she admitted. “But I’ve been thinking about… a lot of things lately. Especially when reality finally hit me that the war had ended and things would return to the way it was. Or at least… that's what I’d like to think.”
“Whatever do you mean?”
Caspian looked truly confused. It looked like he still didn’t understand why she was feeling distant and even restless. But she retained the sad smile on her face. This time, she faced the setting sun.
“There are things — good things — that will eventually come to an end even though a part of our hearts do wish them to last forever. Now I realize that it’s been a ridiculous thought all this time,” Amy said without looking at the newly-crowned king.
She just remained facing the sun. At that moment, a face appeared in her mind that only made her words hit her hard like a brick had fallen and smashed her heart. Okay, those words turned out to be a little… strange, for the lack of a better word. Since when did she start describing her feelings like this?
Something was definitely off about her at the moment. But she chose not to mention it to Caspian at all. She couldn’t possibly ruin anything more about a supposedly festive occasion any more than she did.
After assuring Caspian that she would be alright on her own, Amy left the hall to go outside and breathe some fresh air. Then again, that was just an excuse. She knew very well that she had no real purpose going outside other than to get away from the truth that was about to hit them in the next coming days.
Just some short days before reality would hit her hard.
The reality of her finally leaving Narnia to go home.
It was an inevitable truth and she knew that. But it looked like a big part of her didn’t want to accept it. It was a strange notion, to be honest. And yet she thought that if she would want to be able to make it easy for her on the day of her departure, then…
Another heavy sigh escaped her lips as she looked up to the then already dark sky. But this time, it was not a foreboding night to look at. At least in the meantime, there would be no wars to threaten the peace that they had just achieved together.
“I thought you would be here.”
Those words snapped her out of her musings and rashly turned to the source of it. Amy’s eyes widened at the sight of Edmund standing a few feet away from her, staring at her intently. She had seen that look in his eyes before, when he knew he had to talk seriously to her about something.
At the moment, Amy knew she wouldn’t be able to escape whatever “interrogation” that she would have to go through with this guy.
“Just doing some thinking,” she said and turned away before looking at the sky once again. “A lot had come up and had been bombarding my mind ever since the war ended.”
It didn’t surprise her that she could blurt things out easily like that whenever Edmund was the one asking or inquiring. But that fact was also what had tortured her since the ordeal ended. She knew that it would never happen again.
If she were to be honest, she didn’t want that at all.
Then again, reality wasn’t always that merciful.
Amy didn’t hear Edmund say anything, but she did hear him sigh. Even with that, she didn’t turn around to face him. Or to put it in a better word… she couldn’t. She didn’t know how she would even react if she laid eyes on him again. Not when her emotions were starting to get the better of her.
“Amy…” Edmund called.
She shut her eyes tight. ‘Please… don’t fall now…’ she pleaded, as if her tears would actually listen to that. She remained silent, though.
“You’re not really going to face me?” he asked.
This time, her heart ached at the sadness she could hear in his voice as he asked that question. Her tears then fell as she lowered her head. It didn’t matter if he could see her in his state or not. She just wanted to let it out. It was too much already.
Amy took a deep breath just so she could calm herself. A few more moments had passed, and she raised her head. This time, with the intention to face Edmund fully.
She had to be truthful at this point. At least, she had to be like that to him. He needed that.
But to her surprise, she saw him already standing just a few steps away from her. And she was right, he had that worried look in his eyes. Once again, she had the urge to cry. regardless if he could see it or not.
“Amy…” he called once again.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know what came over me to cry like this,” she said, not looking away from him this time.
Edmund didn’t say anything. Instead, he stepped closer to her. But she could even stop him, he held her hands before intently looking at her.
xxxxxx
“You’re shaking,” was what Edmund could say as he continued holding Amy’s hand.
Her tears continued falling drop by drop. If he was going to be honest, he didn’t like seeing her like this at all. But it wasn’t as if he had any right to stop her emotions. All he could do was to know the reason why she was feeling this way and if there was something he could do to calm her down.
At the moment, however, the words just won’t come out. His hold on her hands tightened.
“Don’t worry. I guess my emotion is just getting the best of me.”
But Edmund knew better. Amy was holding something back. It might be too much to assume. And yet he couldn’t help but silently wish that… they were thinking the same thing.
That they were worried about the same issue.
“Do you really have to remain secretive from me until now? Even with all that had happened between us?” he continued. And this time, he was the one who sighed.
“I’m not being secretive. I just… don’t know how to bring it up to you. It’s not like I have any right to demand or complain, anyway. Especially towards a former Narnian king who ruled here before me.”
Edmund frowned at her words. He knew she wasn’t joking when Amy said those words, even with the smile she’d shown as she spoke. And yet why…? Why did her words hurt him so much?
“Are you scared?” he asked instead. He became at a loss of what to say as a response to her rather cold statement.
It didn’t take long for her to respond with a nod. A few more moments later, she finally looked him in the eyes. He saw it right there and then.
He finally had a glimpse of the answer to that last question.
“I don’t really know what to think of once… all of these are over. Once we all return to where we came from, to the way it was before. I don’t want to feel hurt or disappointed or —”
“Amy…” Once again, he gently called out to stop her from rambling.
Even though she didn’t get to finish what she was trying to say, he fully understood what she meant.
Once again, she faced him. This time, with that look of desperation and fear on her face. But seriously, he didn’t think she had anything to feel scared about. The truth that hit them was something that was inevitable, after all.
He, too, had to make sure he would come in terms with that.
Edmund took a deep breath and faced the distraught Amy. He smiled the best he could, this time. She looked up as soon as she finally managed to calm herself down. As soon as he saw that, he took a few more steps closer to her. She was just looking at him the entire time, never looking away.
His heart couldn't stop beating fast in each step that he did just to get close to her. And when he was finally standing in front of her, he found himself reaching for her clasped hand and held them tight.
It startled Amy, no doubt about that. But she just remained there as she looked at him intently.
"We both knew that this would happen eventually. But I knew for sure that it didn't stop me from getting to know you. I wanted to know you, more than you'll ever know," Edmund declared without letting go of her hands.
He held them tighter when he felt her shiver. But he was aware that it wasn't the night cold that kept blowing. Perhaps she just didn't expect his words at all. Then again, he didn't expect anything like that to come out of his mouth, either.
Something inside him had driven him to blurt that out. Not that he could say that straight to her face, of course. To be honest, this had turned a little embarrassing for him. But he knew he didn't regret that.
There was no way he would. Regretting it would mean discarding the moments that he and Amy had shared together in this world, no matter how short they might have been.
"Edmund…" It appeared that Amy could only call his name after he said those words.
He would definitely miss this once he got back to his real world.
"I really wish I've met you before, met you sooner. Either here in Narnia or in our world. I know that this would sound crazy, but let me say it. I wish I did meet you in a different situation, in a more peaceful time. That way, I wouldn't yearn to be with you longer than this so much. Especially now that this reality is about to hit us."
Before he knew it, everything became too much for him. He soon found himself pulling Amy's hand just to close the distance between them. The next thing that happened, he hugged her — tight.
"Edmund?"
She was confused, he could tell that from her tone. But he didn't let her go. He remained embracing her tight. He could only do this to convey his feelings — one that he couldn't even utter.
"Just let me hold you like this… Please…" he said, almost in a whisper.
Amy didn't say anything, but she didn't struggle or push him away. She soon let out an agreeing sound before slowly wrapping her arms around him. The action startled him, without a doubt. But his heart reacted in a way that he didn't expect. He still liked it, nonetheless.
He smiled and hugged her tighter. Even with his heart beating like crazy, he stayed and relished it.
The world around them went on to continue celebrating. Even so, he was also celebrating. This moment — this possibly last moment he'd ever had — with Amy was more than enough to make him feel that.
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