"This is the end of all waiting and now it's my new beginning. It's because you have loved me this way..." ㅡ Paraphrased lyrics from "Inside My Heart" by Frencheska Farr
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[Chiaki]
Seriously speaking, of all the craziness I could think of, why does it have to be pranking Kotoha like this? Okay, she had no idea that it was me. But actually allowing those little notes to land inside her bag every time I see her on the neighborhood through my affinity with the wood element, I was starting to think that it might have scared her.
I wasn't like this before, especially when it comes to girls. Mind you, I could really charm any girl I want. Or maybe I was the only one thinking that way.
But Kotoha was someone different. Someone I chose to risk my life with, if I had to.
It nearly came to that point, though. However, she was unaware. And until now, I had no plans of telling her anything about what I did to save her three years ago.
That means she also had no idea that for the past three years, I was watching her from afar. Making sure that she was okay, that she was out of harm's way.
Should I be contented with this? I knew I shouldn't. But... she believed the lie that... I was dead. For three years, it seemed that she really believed that.
So now, this was the only thing I could do.
The crisp sound of paper being torn soon reached my ears and snapped me out of my reverie. When I decided to check on Kotoha from my position, to my surprise, it was her current boyfriend tearing the paper in which I wrote that note for her.
Did he have an idea that it came from me? I already did my best to change my handwriting so that no one would recognize that it came from me. Especially this guy who told that lie to Kotoha three years ago.
"What does he think he's doing?" I could only mumble but remained on my spot.
I shouldn't do something reckless at this point or else, my cover would be blown. But...
"Who gave you the right to just grab my things and destroy them in front of me, huh?" I heard Kotoha asked icily to the guy who ripped my note.
Oh, boy! Now this was something quite scary if it was about Kotoha. I should know. She wasn't always the calm and gentle person most people knew her.
"I am--"
"If you're still going to say that you're my boyfriend after lying to me all these years, then stop. Because that will only make me disgust you even more than before."
Lying all these years to Kotoha? What does she meant by that?
"W-what are you talking about?"
"What am I talking about? Do you really have the guts to ask me that? I can't believe you. And for one thing, I've already broken up with you two months ago ever since I saw you kissing your study partner inside the library. And I have proof of that. So if I were you, you better stay away from me and stop disturbing me before I decide to break your face."
After that, Kotoha left that place without looking back at her now ex-boyfriend. Woah! I didn't even know that one at all.
So now I was left with a question. Should I go after her?
And yet, before I knew it, here I was. Walking just a little behind Kotoha but with still enough distance to make sure she won't notice me.
I saw her stop walking soon after. And that was when I saw it. She stopped at the place where I last talked to her.
It was underneath a maple tree.
She really liked going there, huh? Even though it would hurt her further. Or perhaps I was just assuming things about this one. But hey, I still had no knowing about the things that Kotoha were thinking.
"I'm wishing for something impossible, aren't I? How could I believe that jerk really lied to me if I don't even have a proof that you're still alive? Just show up, Chiaki... Please..."
That froze me to the spot. And at the same time, it made me question a lot of things that I'd been doing for the past years since the time where I nearly died.
Moments later, I saw several maple leaves starting to fall. And that was when an idea hit me.
Kotoha was looking up the tree and she was just watching the leaves as they fell one by one. But all of a sudden, several of them remained floating in the air that I knew had caught her attention already. Before I could even stop her, she turned around and her eyes widened when she finally saw me.
"Chiaki..."
I could only manage to give her a forced smile before it turned into a sad one. "I'm sorry... for only showing up now." Just great! That was the only thing I managed to say to her?
She just remained looking at me with that surprised expression on her face. Soon after, she looked up once again--eyeing the leaves that stayed in the air.
"You did this? It was just like that time... Like the first time you told me you love me..." Kotoha uttered more in awe than in disbelief.
"Because that's what I had become after that incident that nearly killed you," I said solemnly. "I was like a leaf that was about to fall because of the season. It was inevitable, so I kept on thinking that it was okay. But before I could even let go, I keep seeing your face in my mind. They were reminding me to stay holding on no matter how hard. And so I did... for the past three years..."
"But why didn't you show up to me if you were really alive since then?"
"That's because I couldn't put you in any more danger that has something to do with me. I can be more dangerous than what you can think of. So I remained hiding as I watched over you from afar. It was the only thing I could think of to keep you safe from harm. And... even from me..."
Kotoha just stared at me. I did the same. But the scary thing was that I had no idea what she was thinking--at all. It went on like that for a while before she scoffed and looked away.
"You know what? I still have no idea why I couldn't bring myself to hate you even after what you told me. I should hate you for this. And yet..." Soon after, her tears fell and she just let them
As for me, I just stood there... again. Damn it! Why was it that it was getting harder and harder for me to do anything for this woman whenever she did that?
"And yet... I couldn't. Because I couldn't bring myself to hate the one person who still made me think of things, of possible memories that we should've created together if you just didn't disappear in my life like that. Because even though they were only in my mind, all of those thoughts were capable of calming me down and making me happy in more ways than one despite the sting of pain that goes with it soon after."
I never had any idea about these from Kotoha at all, despite me still watching over her for the past years. I had this thought that because of what I did to her, to leave her like that after all that I did, I didn't have any right to appear to her like this.
Even still...
"Does this mean...?"
"I still want to know you more. Stay with you more. Talk with you more. But that will only happen if--"
"I never left your side, Kotoha. Not once. And knowing all this, I promise. I'm not going to leave your side again," I stated, cutting her words off.
Both of us were speechless after that. But the silence that went with it wasn't that all tensed. So should I consider that a good thing?
"You better."
With that, both of us smiled.
Yeah. Perhaps it was a good thing.
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I'm not sure if I should consider this as an AU or not. Anyway, enjoy reading for now. Until then, I hope you keep supporting these SS fanfics I'm writing.
Till next time!
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