It was hard to stay with someone whom she knew would be gone in her life forever. Or at least, that was the feeling that Saki kept on having over the past weeks since she last went to that library and cried.
She didn't intend to cry there. But it was strange that she couldn't help herself. All she wanted was to release... something burdening in her chest. The same feeling that had haunted her for three years.
But now that she finally knew what it was, she felt a bit foolish for letting it continue.
"I wish you could see me now," Saki said quietly. She wasn't sure if anyone else heard her. "The way I used to look before..."
But even if they did, they mightn't understand why she'd say something like that. However, Saki knew. She just couldn't find out 'who' exactly she was referring to with those words.
That excruciating pain whenever she would try to recover her memories. The memory of a certain person that... most likely was her lover.
A lover that she now couldn't remember. No matter how much Saki tried. She could only remember bits and pieces about him. His scent, his voice, and his hands on her body. But when he left, Saki found herself unable to recall anything else, not even his face. Not even what his name was. Nothing. And that made Saki sad.
She only knew his name, though. And it was strange that she knew the name and not the face of the man she had ever loved in her life, even before the great battle started. There was definitely magic involved for such a thing to happen. She was sure of that.
Saki was always known for her ability to easily recall faces and remember them for a long time, even though she had only met them once. But the one she'd been experiencing for the past three years was completely different. Someone wanted her to forget.
She would've brush it off if it was something simple. But the feeling of actually knowing that whoever casted a spell on her wanted her to forget a very important memory ripped her heart over and over again. That feeling lasted for three years already and it was about to drive her insane if she didn't do something about it.
"Saki, shouldn't you be going home by now?"
Saki turned to the source of that voice. She smiled sadly, but knowingly, at the sight of her friend Miu. But she didn't say anything after that. She continued looking at the sunset with such longing in her eyes.
It had been like that since she went to the library two weeks ago and encountered that stranger who handed her a handkerchief that she could use to wipe the tears falling that day. Since then, she's stayed glued to that library every afternoon without fail. At first, she had tried calling or texting her friends, but none of them were available that day. After all, they were all on a mission.
Her heart was also heavy at the thought of that mysterious person. There was... something strange about him, for some reason. A strange familiarity that she couldn't quite place.
"You went to the library again, huh?" Miu started with a sigh. "Do you think the books there could help you recover your memories of... whoever you're trying to remember?"
Again, Saki chose not to say anything, but not as a way to ignore her friend. She knew that Miu got the answer already even without her saying anything. Miu had always been so perceptive of her thoughts, especially after the great battle. But even so...
"Do you think... I'd still be able to know the truth about what happened to Sousuke?" Saki ended up asking after a long period of silence between them.
Miu sighed once again and faced the setting sun. "Honestly, I don't know. He did use his powers to make you forget him, but you only forgot his face and not his name. I don't think that was intentional. We did try to search for him after that, but to no luck till this day."
"I miss him, you know. Each day that passed by, the hole in my heart keeps getting bigger. I don't know how to fill it up so I won't feel this bad anymore," Saki admitted, tears starting to fall from her eyes as she looked at the setting sun with blurry vision. She quickly wiped the tears away as if she wasn't going to let them come back.
"Hey," Miu whispered next to Saki's ear and gave her an embrace. "You're allowed to feel this kind of pain, you know."
It took a while for Saki to reply. She soon let out a sobbing sound as she clutched onto Miu tightly, crying loudly. Her tears flowed silently once again until eventually, Saki was silent. Even she hadn't realized it until then. It made her feel more alone than usual.
After Saki calmed down enough to stop crying, she distanced herself from Miu and looked at her friend. "Thank you... for still being there for me."
"We know you suffered the worst because of the war. And then... you also lost Sousuke. We have to be there for you in any way we can, you know."
At that point, Saki nodded and smiled sadly. It wasn't a lot, but it was a start, as far as she needed it. They would get through this. Both her friends and hers. And maybe, eventually... Saki would even find the answers to her questions about this man whose face she couldn't recall.
She still knew the name... and maybe it was enough for her to start again. She would try to discover what happened that night the spell made her forget the face of the man she loved.
***
One more week had passed, but it was enough for Saki to get herself together somehow. But her determination to do so stemmed from something that her friends were already aware of.
Her intention to discover the truth about what happened to Sousuke that night of the war. She still had a lot of questions, without a doubt. But the answers she was looking for about those questions were something that she knew she should've sought after a long time ago.
Her injuries and missing parts of her memories stopped her. But now that she was healed and the determination to learn the truth, she knew she needed to be ready to set out.
Because, right now, she had an assignment waiting for her. Something she really had been wanting for ages. She just hadn't realized it yet. And that fact frustrated her greatly. But she knew she had to go.
And so, at noon, as usual, Saki entered the city library. But instead of looking at the book that she knew Sousuke had written before he died (or now she realized that it was only a presumption), she headed to the aisle where she once met that person who calmed her down before that one day. She was taking a shot at this that she would see that person once again. Then again, even she didn't know why she was almost desperate to see him again. She just... did.
Maybe there really was something special about the guy that she couldn't quite place...
There was one section she had never visited. One section she had never read or talked about. The shelf closest to the entrance that held countless books on all kinds of subjects that the people at the nearby university had taken their time reading.
Come to think of it... why had she never visited this place before? It wasn't that she was avoiding something here. At least she was sure of that. At that point, a thought struck her.
This aisle... She finally recalled it. Sousuke once casted a forbidden magic here in order to discover the origin of his memory erasing powers. And she was there with him when it happened. That was the reason she had a feeling of familiarity towards the area.
Saki walked slowly and looked around the shelves as she approached one particular bookcase in the very back. There were a couple of small books laying in front of that specific shelf, which made Saki curious about it. What were they doing here?
"I never thought I'd see you here again," a man's voice interrupted her and made her turn around to see who it was.
Saki's eyes widened at the sight of the man who she wanted to see again. "Uh..." Oh, come on! Why does she have to lose voice now that she finally saw him again?
"Are you okay?" he asked, worry in his tone.
It took a few moments more before Saki nodded and smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get tongue-ties like that."
He stared at her and then chuckled slightly, shaking his head at her response. He reached down to grab a random book from the shelves and opened it, causing him to look away from her briefly. "The same goes for me. My fault, really."
"Well... I guess there aren't too many things that could make you forget someone you love," Saki said softly, smiling at him.
His eyes widened slightly at her words and he looked at her again. His eyes were filled with surprise and confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"Nothing," she replied, shaking her head lightly. "I just remembered something."
The boy stared at Saki's eyes. His smile dropped slightly as he frowned slightly in confusion. He tilted his head to the side lightly as he observed the girl. Saki didn't seem to notice anything weird in his eyes, so he decided to give her a chance.
"So, are you here to look for something?" he asked curiously.
Saki shook her head. "No, I'm not. I came here to ask you something, in case I come across you again."
He raised an eyebrow. "Ask me something? What is it?"
"Well..." But it seemed that Saki suddenly realized she just blurted out her thoughts to a stranger and now she didn't know what to do to take it back. Was it still a good idea for her to tell him her purpose for seeking him out?
"Sousuke! Seriously, you have ways of sneaking out of your room. You're supposed to be resting and yet you're here again."
Though Sousuke shook his head resignedly, Saki looked like the lightning struck her down to the spot because of what she heard. Sousuke? This guy's name was Sousuke, as well?
Before she knew it, she looked at the guy and he faced her with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, but it seems I can't stay here any longer for now. But... we could still see each other again, right?"
There was an expectant tone in Sousuke's voice when he asked that to Saki. She looked at him for a little while longer before she recovered from the shock and nodded. "Of course. Same area?"
He smiled wide this time and nodded. "Don't worry. We're the only ones who knew this area, anyway."
Though confused at his words, Saki took that as a promise. But before he left, he faced her intently. "By the way, I never got to ask you this when we last met. But... what's your name?"
"My name?" Saki repeated in surprise.
"Yeah, your name," Sousuke stated, a hint of amusement dancing on his face.
Saki blushed slightly as she laughed nervously. "Right. Uh... it's Saki. Ryouyama Saki."
"Saki... I'll remember it this time." And with that, he left her there.
But even from her position, she could see the amused and almost triumphant smile on his face. It was enough to make her smile, as well. She still had more questions than answers now that she saw the guy again. And the fact that the guy's name was Sousuke...
"Could that be him? The Sousuke I've been trying to recall all this time?" Saki asked herself as she turned to the books behind her once again.
Now it was time to figure everything else out. She didn't want to miss that opportunity. She knew that if she missed this chance, there might never be one again. Or maybe, it would just vanish. And that wouldn't help either one of them.
She felt like she was on a mission, and she would continue on until she found the answer that she needed. "I don't care if he's not who I believe he is. He's the closest thing to my Sousuke that I've ever seen."
xxxxxx
And so I'm back with a new one-shot! After a long while. Sorry for that. By the way, for those who were wondering, this is the continuation of the ONLY Sousuke/Saki AU one-shot I wrote and posted. So I guess you'd want to read it first before reading this or if you have questions about some scenes in this one-shot. Enjoy reading!
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